Does he love me? If only you could tell! Part 2

Well as promised here it is. The sequel.

Some may say it's not rocket science. If he loves you then you would know. Well Yes and No. It's not rocket yes, agreed. But if she knew for sure she wouldn't ask the question. I heard someone once say that people would believe as long as it is a compliment. Everyone likes to be complimented. It's probably more of a big deal if you are a lady.  I say so because ladies need to be complimented more than the gentlemen. A gentleman receiving a compliment about his looks from any gender may interpret it as a flirt straightaway. On the other hand, different story for a lady. Only excessive compliments could be interpreted as a flirt. ' You look nice today' might just make a lady smile without her feeling that she is being 'hit'on. She just feels like someone noticed her 'effort' to look nice.  If anything, women appreciate admirers.

Now, imagine someone in a relationship or (married even), and you expect to achieve these compliments, a show of admiration and then, nothing. Worse still if you received them in past and at some point it diminishes, then stopped. Well that is not a good position to be in.

There could be a possibility, a high possibility that this just an act of negligence More like complacency. when you have been in a relationship FOR A WHILE, there seems to be a laid back attitude with regards to showing or expressing affection for both parties.

If you read this and you are guilty of this, then it's time to make amends. when you love someone, you need to make it count, you need to tell them. Always. You need to show them . Always.
Being in love should not be hard. If it is then something is wrong. Let's live and learn. Your thoughts...

Am I worthy of being in Love? Part 1

Hmm. Quite sad if am honest but you may be surprised at the number of people ho have asked this question. As a rhetoric or real direct question needing an honest answer. And if you have asked this question as some point, Awww... Well, the truth is everyone deserves love. Yeah. Everyone. And if you go to an extreme to ask, "How about murderers and the sorts?". Well am sure they have loved ones too! No matter how bad a person is, there might still be that someone who cares about them. Even just the one.

Asking  this question could suggest you just left a relationship and the terms of break-up wasn't amicable to say the least. It wasn't your choice if you know what I mean. More like the carpet was pulled from under your feet. That feeling. The bitter taste.  The heart ache. The trauma. The feeling that your world has come to an end. The need to blame yourself for what happened.

The first mistake one makes in this situation 'self-blame'. Findng a reason to what happened and concluding after thinking it through that i was most definitely your fault. Big mistake. Why? There were two people in the relationship and regardless of what you think you did wrong to cause this unfortunate predicament, never heap the guilt on your humble self. At least not in that magnitude.

To be continued...

photo credit: i.am.rebecca via photopin cc

A problem shared...

Wow! It just hit me why i thought earlier that I might be having writers's block. I laugh at why I would think that. I don't even remember how the thought started. Well its banished now! :)
So here I was thinking that I had come to a stand still in the writing not understanding what  my problem was. Well I later understood it and took responsibility as a matured individual. :) But (a very big BUT), it was not entirely my fault. Well at least that is what I just realized. Some folks may be wondering where am going with this, but bear with me.

Like I said, I have taken the first hit (for the team) here so I can comfortably assign the rest of the blame elsewhere. So now, who is to blame you may ask... well the answer is simple! YOU.
Yes. You. How is it your fault? Good. I will tell you. Well before I tell you, let me first apologize if this is your first visit and this is the ONLY post you have read so far, in that case, am sorry. To you I say, welcome! please have a look around Sir/Madam, have you had the 'specials' yet? Feel free to order some (its on the house for first  timers) :)

Anyway for the rest, my esteemed readers who have read ALL the posts, you need to share the blame and this is why. Remember how I always implore y'all to share your thoughts? Yes. Exactly. If you had read a post and left a comment, it would alert me that someone read the posts and has an opinion! This will sort of 'remind' me to add new posts to supply my audience fresh ideas.

Secondly, this is a therapy blog, where we come to share our issues with the hope of finding answers to our questions or solutions to our dilemmas. When issues are shared by email or through comments, then I can react to them as I will get them and once again.. get an alert that I am needed by someone I owe an obligation to this. my blog audience. So you see how you are to blame? Am I right or am I right? :)

Well before you find a way to counter this analogy, let me put it to you that it is morally wrong to receive and give nothing back... well at least I was told that by a very wise old  man many moons ago... Wisdom in old age I would say. As always. Share your thoughts! Peace.

Please help! Writers Block?

Well I don't know if this is the right term for it. Well I say so because I have looked up the phrase and and laughed at what it actually meant! Apparently it refers to the condition when a writer has run out of what to write. If this is the case, then this may not apply to me at all!

Firstly am not a writer! well unless of course blogging is considered writing. Well I for one don't think so. Why? Sorry to say and no disrespect intended to anyone. I apologize before hand. I have read hundreds of blogs (well quite a good number anyway). Some actually copy and paste news stories while passing them off as theirs! Disgraceful. Kudos to you if all your contents are original. Well done for pushing out fresh material daily for the entertainment of your readers! Applause. The common culprits of this infringement are the 'so-called' entertainment (news & lifestyle kind of news) bloggers. Those bloggers who specialize in dishing out 'celebrity hot gists and gossips'. Often I have read something from the UK Daily Mail newspaper via MailOnline and then go to a certain blog and find the same story word for word. Well in their defence, they sometimes add 'culled from UK Daily Mail'. Hmmm. So you be the judge. Are they writers? Probably not.

Anyway back to my original rant. Writers' block. What was I saying? Yeah right. Found the meaning online and realized it wasn't me at all. I don't have writer's block. I am just too busy to write on my own blog! Sadly, this is not something I can delegate to someone to do for me in that everything I pen down are my thoughts. Should I dictate to someone to type it out and then post? NO. Never. That would be unfair to my audience. Also,it would  not reflect exactly what I intend to write as you may need to change or rephrase a line of thought. You do not have such luxury if you don't write it yourself fresh from your mind. Is this making sense at all? Well it doesn't matter. This is my blog and I can probably write whatever I choose as long as it is not offensive or derogatory, right? :)

So contrary to what I imagined, there is no block in writing or blogging for me. Its' just my lack of time management. I apologise. I have to fit this in the itinerary.  For those who read my The Very Beginning post, this is why it took  5 years to kick off. No time to fit in and the question of how to start.    

Its a week now of kicking this off. Here's to another week and another and another and another. Peace.

Online Dating: Can I date online? My Opinion

Well before I say anything on this, would like to clarify that this post is just my opinion on this and does not form part of a credible or authentic hypothesis. Its just my one cent.

A lot of things are mostly about technology now. Social media. Cloud Computing. It's the world we live in. It's the 21st century. It has come to stay and evolving faster. Faster than we can cope sometimes. We need to keep up.  I have earlier that folks needing to date need to depend on good old personal, social interaction and not via technology like Facebook or Twitter.

Online dating is so conventional that it is not looked upon like something extraordinary or weird if you know what I mean. Well its not. The reason for dating online depends on your circumstance, some might say they are so busy so much so that they have no time whatsoever to go out or date! Their best companion, their smartphone or tablet becomes an avenue to interact with people. Some others may find their reason in that, they lack the confidence or self esteem to go out and meet people! Nothing wrong in that but remember that when you DO 'meet' the person, you will have to see them face to face at some point. Unless you want the relationship to continue indefinitely online! Pointless.

There are different online dating sites so much that there are specific sites targeted to specific kind of audience. Its like some companies advertising food products. They advertise it with all sorts of ploy that no matter your dietary requirements, there's always something for you. Organic, veggie, vegan, low fat etc. We have it.

So what is wrong (or not wrong) with online dating? Well this is what I think...

Why Am I Single: What is wrong with me?

This would be a difficult question to answer without knowing you personally. Nothing is wrong with you. Nothing. Forget what anyone says or how you have been treated in the past. Most times reason for being single may have nothing to do with you as a person. This is of course on the assumption that you do not have a bad attitude or demeanour! :)

Sometimes the main reason why you are single could be that you haven't met that guy/girl who truly deserves you. Sounds cheesy but that's probably true.  For younger people, and by younger, I am referring to probably age 30 and below, there are different rules. The reason for this grouping is simple. It feels different from this age going forward when you are single as a lady. I am sure some people would agree. Worse, if you have never had a serious relationship or not even had one! (hope not).

So if you find yourself in this dilemma and you are genuinely concerned  (talking to the ladies now), then read on...

Does he love me? If only you could tell! Part 1

Well well well. If only I had a penny for every time I heard this question. Does he love me? It sounds like a cliche but it still very much relevant as the story of love itself.

Sometimes its a high school or college/university crush, you finally go on a date (somehow). One date turns to several dates and no commitment.  Just dates.

Another goes on a nice evening out with mates and then... a one night stand. You get a call/text from him to say the previous night was 'awesome'. You get your hopes up and then keep in touch. A number of flings more and you are back where you started. No commitment. Sound familiar?  Well am sure it does. Nothing bad in being in love. The dilemma is to be loved and loved in return. Unfortunately we don't have a choice in whom we are attracted to. However we DO have a choice how we react to to that attraction!

How we react to whom we are attracted to makes all the difference. It determines if the attraction would lead to something more. It determines if we get hurt or not assuming our expectations are not met. Every situation in life can be much better depending on our reactions to the issues. Come with me...

Marriage Counselling? My first shot at counselling: Part 4 | The Conclusion

In conclusion... Lol. I hate endings. Well whatever has a beginning should definitely have an end. That's just the law of nature. Moreover I gave my word that this would be the 'end'. End of this thread.

Just to clear the air, the image above doesn't imply my opinion of a solution in such circumstances. No. It doesn't. All in good humour. Just checking. Otherwise that will contradict all this blog stands for! God forbid :)

Great. Let's get on with this before I chatter into something else unrelated. Sometimes it feels like I talk too much isn't it? Come to think of it, if that were true then I suppose it would be a good attribute for this sort of job eh? well I suppose so.

Sorry. Anyway back to the conclusion of the issue from before.

I established from both parties in this quandary that they wanted to make amends (although as I said in earlier post, I doubt  dear wife's sincerity). So we had a huddle. I asked both to reaffirm to me in the presence of each other that they truly wanted to make amends (otherwise the meeting would be pointless). I would like to point out that this huddle included my OH (at their request though) as a witness and also for moral support. Also I obliged as it took out the formality of a counselling session so no one is under scrutiny or observation. Just good old relaxed conversation in a friendly atmosphere!

Prior to this there has been one on one conversations independently with each of them. Fact finding if you may. This enables for a holistic approach. To get a clear and unbiased view of the situation. It helps. A lot. So now, they both agreed we need to solve this in the presence of a 'fourth' party. So then, I began...

Not just Marriage: its free counselling and therapy

Just to clear the air. this is not a marriage blog!!! No its not. Seriously. Well I know I have written on it on a three part posts but then. I am aware that it could be a little bit too much on one thing.

Sadly there's one more (and final) part then we can conclude on that story. I am positive that it would help someone out or again, it may mirror someone's experience.

So if you are just visiting and seen a couple or more marriage counselling epistles. 'Be thou not perturbed'. :) There is a method to the madness. i just wanted to share that (before its forgotten and like i said, someone might be helped from it).

This blog is for anything love. Relationships. Dating woes. Life Issues. The sorts. Forum for sharing and receiving. Filling that emotional void by getting a listening ear and a therapy for our issues.

Need therapy? counselling? marriage advice? agony aunt rants? love triangle? Yes! Voice it. Moan. Nag. we are here to listen!

Email. Comment. Tweet. Whatever medium you choose. let it all out. we are here to share and provide solutions (a much as we can).  I promise I will blog it and provide detailed answers (with your permission of course).

Don't hesitate. Don't be shy. You can be as anonymous as you want. You would still get your answers. Remember, it may not be yourself alone who gets this help, your story or issue might inspire another. Think.

Real life stories and experiences would make this worthwhile. I cannot write epistles on hypothesis or theories when we cannot apply it to our daily life situations.  Less idealism and more realism.

So I invite you to share your thoughts and issues. Peace.

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