Marriage Counselling? My first shot at counselling: Part 3

Hi there! As promised, here we go. So our dear couple agreed to mend fences. That is, as we think a step in the right direction.
Making this decision is deeper than just a verbal affirmation. Well at least that is what I realised! Dear wife is bitter and and not sincerely ready to make amends. She said so (ready to make amends) but... No.  She doesn't really want to. How do I mean?

When one is hurt and holds a grudge, its so easy to keep malice. Dangerous. It bears root and takes a A WHILE to ease out. So if you decide to forgive and let go, it will be DIFFICULT to forget completely due to the built up malice. This is what we are dealing with here.

There is the issue most times when people seek to make amends in their relationships either via paid certified counselling or self resolution, sometimes the wound heals but the scar is so much that its hard to ignore. Most often than not, old wounds reopen and the circle keeps on and on.

Now, I didn't give details of what dear hubby did to his wife. I need to tell you a little so you see why bitterness still thrives in the heart of dear wife. Be ready. Be objective . Read with neutrality...

Photo Credit: Takoshi Hirano

Dear wife says that while she was expecting (for 9 months!), not once did dear hubby ask how she coped nor take her to the hospital for check up. He acted like she wasn't there! Am sure you can imagine the hassles and complications of pregnancy and all that with going into necessary details. This is one of many points highlighted during the 'counselling session'.

So here comes the interesting bit. Dear hubby was present while she vented her frustrations and not

once did he interrupt to say the accusations were false. When asked, he said some were not factual. After probing he admitted to my shock that 85% were probably true! I froze. Again I say. I would'nt go into the full details of the accusations.

Not I need to but read this. I am not inclined to any party on this issue but IF I NEEDED TO... it would be for dear wife. I have my reasons. Not personal. It is simply because I know the full story and thus can make an informed decision.

On a brighter side though, dear hubby seems remorseful and ready to make amends whatever it takes. Dear wife is not responsive. Nonchalant. She doesn't seem to buy it. It's like the Asian proverb (or is it African?) that says "When one has been bitten by a snake he develops a strong phobia for ropes". I am am not to say if dear hubby is genuinely sober and wants restitution but my honest opinion would be that he is. Everyone deserves a second chance. Won't be easy but it takes a while to heal deep wounds. Let us and wait and see. Next up... My proffered solution to the couple. :) To be continued.

Stay Safe. Pls share your thoughts.